Appetency
by MsCollins
Summary: My brow furrowed and frown deepened. Harkon's remains glistened brilliantly in the urn. It had been so long since his death, but I couldn't let the memory of the day go. I had killed countless other beings and couldn't even remember half of their faces, yet…
1. Chapter 1

My brow furrowed and frown deepened. Harkon's remains glistened brilliantly in the urn. It had been so long since his death, but I couldn't let the memory of the day go. I had killed countless other beings and couldn't even remember half of their faces, yet…

Did I regret his death? Was it something else about it that bothered me? I had no idea. The look in his eyes when Serana and I brought Auriel's bow was confusing. He seemed… happy for completion of the prophecy but yet at the same time, he looked at me like he looked at Serana at that moment. Like he might have looked at Valerica.

_Valerica._

Now that was a woman that had become utterly insufferable over the years. My nostrils flared and my right hand gripped the arm of the wooden chair so tightly, that the Ring of the Erudite most likely had made an impression. Even Serana seemed to share her opinion, but was never direct with me. If it wasn't for the fact that she was Serana's mother, of whom I needed cooperation from taint arrows, I probably would have incinerated her by now.

Every time I asked Serana for a small amount of blood for a few arrows or…

"My Lady?" The wooden arm of the chair definitely had a ring impression now.

"Yes, Vingalmo?" I didn't look at him. If I had, the death glare I was giving the fire before me might have ended his existence.

He shifted uncomfortably. Lovely, I thought, must be another complaint from Valerica. "Valerica would like to speak with you." Of course she would.

I merely nodded. Don't kill the messenger, I reminded myself. The she-devil waltzed in and took the seat next to me. My eyes never left the fire place.

"Are you here to tell me your opinion on the use of Serana's blood with the bow, again?" If she said yes, I might just stoke the fire with her.

"Actually," her voice was surprisingly soft, "I wanted to talk about your well-being."

To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. Sputtering was all I could muster. "My well-being…?"

She licked her lips and smoothed the pants of her armor. "When I say that you have become more like Harkon with each passing day, I meant it." My glare shifted to her. She was impervious to it. "Ever since I first saw you with my daughter in the Soul Cairne, it was as if a much younger Harkon was walking up to my prison. So full of confidence and strength, and doing what you believed to be good for others while pursuing a path of power."

I snorted. "No matter which path I've taken in life, my Dovah blood has yearned for power and always been rewarded. I never once asked for it, directly. When I first went to Dragonsreach to deliver the news that Helgen had been destroyed by Alduin so long ago, I never did it with the intention of the Jarl making me Thane later. When I joined the Companions, I didn't do it to become Harbinger. I never asked for any title I've been given. Others give me the titles, the leadership roles, the power. I suppose my blood gave others the aura that I was qualified for these roles, but they were never my goals.

My hands found themselves in my lap. "I did what I though was best for others when I went to the Jarl for the first time. I did what I thought would give me direction and friends when I joined the Companions. I didn't have skills to be a merchant or an academic. However, I could fend off draugr with merely my sword or bow. I could kill giants and sabrecats. So, that's what I sought out to be and hoped for. I never once asked to be Dovahkiin or the perks that come with it."

"You enjoy killing with your shouts and your teeth, nonetheless." Valerica replied, still in a calm tone.

"I do. I learned very early on to enjoy what I was given in life. The purpose, of course, was meant to enjoy the simple foods that gifted my table or the small home with children I might have had, but it's an idea I couldn't let go. So, I enjoy the gift Harkon gave me and look for the bright side of situations. Should I not?" My lips frowned a bit. She never came to just talk. It was always some sort of complaint or another. The whole situation was foreign right now.

She stayed silent for a moment. Her eyes drifted to the diminishing flames. I stood and put a new piece of wood into the fire. Using a metal poker, I pushed away some of the ash from underneath the embers and logs. The flames slowly kicked back up. I returned to my seat.

"It's not a crime to enjoy the gifts in your life," she finally spoke.

"Then why do you seem to spend all your time looking for an excuse to shun me or treat me as if I'm some sort of…" I waved my hand off to the side once, unable to identify the words befitting the torment she had put me through for centuries after moving back into the castle. My eyes threatened tears. When Valerica came home, I really wanted to be her friend. Serana, too. There were so many qualities I liked about them and so many things I used to look up to them for. Well, everything except when it came to Harkon. It broke my heart when they wanted me out of the picture. Never told to my face, of course, but actions spoke louder than words in this castle.

Valerica paused, as if remembering something or perhaps at a loss of what to say. "I've made the same mistakes with you that I made with Harkon." She stood up and made steps to the door. I stood as well.

"Wait. What do you mean?"

Her hand pulled on the door handle. She pause and her lips twitched like she wanted to say something, but did not. Her hand ran over her hair and stopped as a fist at her mouth as she looked at me. She shook her head. "Maybe if I had been a better wife, Harkon would still be here."

She left me in a state of utter confusion. Never once had she held anything but contempt for Harkon. Never once had she left this room without her and I in a screaming match, either. What in Oblivion was going on?

I returned to my chair. If she had been a better wife? She made the same mistakes with me as she did Harkon? I was definitely not Harkon. And, she could be a better person all around, in my humble opinion. If things took too much longer than I anticipated for them to be done, I dropped whatever it was I was trying to do. It wasn't worth going crazy over, like a riddle with no answer. But what had gotten into her? Years of experience proved that the sole purpose of her existence was to complain.

She returned to the door. "And, I suppose to answer the first question, I do think you should stop asking Serana for her blood. There's no need for you to be up during the day." She paused. "It's not pleasant for Serana to draw blood and you get overly irritable when you don't sleep for days at a time."

She left. This time, for good. Well, there was mostly the Valerica I knew, but she actually took the time to ease the tone of her demands with her reasoning, somewhat. That was a first. Perhaps she tried a little Skooma tonight. A headache seeped in at my temples and behind my eyes. This was a bit much this late into the night.

I closed the door and walked over to Harkon's coffin. Well, my coffin. It was definitely time to retire for the night. Stepping inside and closing the door, I laid my head against the side. Harkon's scent still lingered just slightly after so long. I missed him so much.

"So what kinds of powers should I expect to find as a Vampire Lord?"

He smiled gently. "Always so eager for answers. Unfortunately, you will have to find that out for yourself."

I pouted internally. He didn't take to showing me things personally, but that probably had to do with being the Lord of a castle. "May I sit, please, my Lord?"

His smile didn't waver. "Of course."

I took the chair next to him in his room. The flames danced enthusiastically in the hearth. "My Lord, I was wondering if I may eliminate the Altmer that inhabit the fort on the main shore nearest here? I've taken a liking to tracking down their little groups that walk along the main roads. They're a great deal of fun to terrorize." I smiled ear to ear.

"I'll grant you this, so long as you kill all of them. We don't need the herd catching wind that the deaths were caused by nearby vampires." He laughed a bit. No one else, aside from me, could do that. I beamed.

"Also, I brought you something," I said as I reached into a pouch on my side. I withdrew two rings. "Feran Sadri sent me to retrieve these and told me to keep them, but I thought maybe you could have one, too?"

He picked up the offered rings from my palm and looked them over with interest. "Ring of the Erudite and Ring of the Beast. These are quite the treasures. And you wish to gift me with one?"

I nodded, feeling my face flush a little pink. "I really appreciate what you have done and what you've given me; it's the least I could do."

The rings glistened in his hand as he considered my words. He moved his finger, making the rings shift how they glittered in the light from the hearth. "I haven't been given a gift in millennia…" He smiled at me. A real smile; not the ones he gives to Serana or some other vampires from his court that sometimes bring him somewhat good news on the prophecy. He gently took my right hand and slowly slid the Ring of the Erudite on it. "I accept your gift, Iona, with great pleasure." He kissed the back of my hand, lingering a couple seconds. I blushed brightly.

The other ring, he put onto his right hand. "When will you go out to annihilate the Elves?"

"I was hoping to go tonight. If not, then perhaps tomorrow night?" He nodded, his smile fading but a pleased look remaining.

"Go when you wish." He took up the cup near him and savored a small amount of blood from it.

"My Lord?" He looked over to me. "I was wondering if it might please you to come along? I'm sure it will be a great deal of fun and wanted to know if you might join me?"

His gaze drifted to the fire, a contemplative look on his face. "Although it would bring me a great deal of pleasure to hear their screams, I must remain at the castle. My daughter will surely accompany you, if you are searching for companionship on this endeavor."

Suddenly, the floor became very interesting to look at. "I was happy to bring her home when she asked me to, and she fights remarkably well, but…" I thought for a moment how to put it, "she and I are too different in a lot of ways, I guess, to venture to hostile places together. Our fighting styles are different and… I don't know." I was beating around the bush, and doing a poor job. I didn't like the way she talked about her father. I didn't like how she constantly suggested completing the prophecy behind his back so he couldn't succeed. So he could finally get past this point in his life. She also incessantly complained about _everything._

The softness of his hand surprised me as he turned my face towards him. His eyes seemed to probe into my soul, looking for what I meant. Without a doubt, I'm sure he knew by the look on my face. I looked down for a brief second and bit my lip. My eyes turned back to his. "If you want me to go with her, I will. I didn't mean any disrespect or… or anything, I just…" His fingers touched my lips.

"I am sure that your loyalty will hold through despite outside influences," he said quietly. His words seemed strong, but hinted at a slight sadness. It was as if he didn't believe his own words, almost.

I nodded, daring to gently hold his hand to the side of my face. "Always, my Lord. You've given me everything I've ever wanted." I leaned into his hand, eyes closed. "I don't know if it's appropriate to do so or say so… but you are the closest person in my life I have to call a mentor or a father even and… I think of you as such. I've lost everyone I cared about over the years and I don't think I could handle losing you, too. All the things you've taught me, the gift of your blood you truly didn't have to give, and the purpose you give my life… There's no one else that has ever done that. I will do what it takes to see Auriel's Bow in your hands or whatever else it takes to make you happy." I opened my eyes, pleading he not spurn my words.

He looked thoughtful. "I hear your words and I see in your eyes you tell me the truth. I expect this kind of obedience from you, and I am pleased you are so taken to it." He thought for a moment with sadness in his eyes. "Remain this way, constant like the sun. For if you change like the waning and waxing of the moon, I couldn't forgive you."

I nodded. "Of course, my Lord."

"And, refrain from affectionate behavior outside these walls. The prying eyes of my court are scandalous enough."

Again, I nodded. "I apologize if I overstepped my bounds."

He waved off my apology. "It is to be expected. Affection, at least to some degree, for one's sire is typical."


	2. Chapter 2

Knocking on my door awoke me from my slumber. I ignored it. Maybe they would take the hint. Knocking, again. And, again. Of course not. My growl was louder than I anticipated as I pushed my coffin door open and proceeded down the steps to my chamber door. With more force than was necessary, I swung the door open. "What. Do. You. Want?" I snarled, emphasizing every word and not even bothering to look at who had knocked until afterwards.

"Good evening to you, too, Iona," Serana replied with no hint of amusement.

I blinked a few times and cleared my throat. "What, uh, what is it?"

"My mother talked with you last night."

"And?"

"Can I come in? She didn't say everything we planned on." My dumbfounded look returned as she let herself into Harkon's… my chambers. She took the liberty of sitting in his chair, as well. "Are you going to sit?" She gestured to the remaining chair.

She looked so much like him. I remembered how he caressed my cheek in my dream from that very seat. Numbly, I made my way to the lonely chair. "What is it, Serana?" I said past the small lump in my throat that had formed.

"Mother and I are worried about you. You spend nearly every night sitting here staring at the fireplace like you expect a dremora to come out of it or something. It's got to be bad for your sanity. We watched my father do the exact same thing when he first encountered the prophecy, and we all know what had to be done in the end."

I couldn't speak. The memory of Harkon dying played itself again and again.

"Iola?"

"Y-yes?" All I could muster was a broken word. My sinuses and eyes burned with the familiar feeling that threatened I would start crying.

"Why do you keep yourself locked up in this room? What's plaguing you?"

I shook my head. "Nothing that pertains to you." I am such a liar. "Would you please leave me for a bit? You woke me up with your knocking and I haven't had time to feed or bathe," my voice wavered with my stupid excuses.

She just stared. "Iola are you… about to cry? Are you alright?"

I left the room instead, quickly making my way through the old halls to the common sleeping area. It was vacant, as luck would have it. I tucked myself into one of the coffins and stilled my breathing.

"Iola?" Serana's approaching voice sounded. "Iola, please come back, we really do need to talk." She walked right past. I willed my body to be still, down to my heartbeat. However, I couldn't still the tears trailing down my cheeks.

The sound of her near-silent footsteps echoed down the other hall and into the other room. I could hear her no more. My shoulders shook and my knees couldn't support me anymore. The door, thankfully, was secure and was the only thing keeping me upright as I wept. This was more than guilt and regret. Harkon's death was far more than merely 'bothersome.' It was crippling agony from the loss of quite possibly the most important person in my life.

It shouldn't be this hard, I thought. He's been gone for so long, now. All pain fades with time, right? A couple hours passed as I regained my composure. I would raid Valerica's garden for flowers and put them around Harkon's urn. Maybe it would buy me a day of peace.

I quickly made my way back to my chamber. Ronthil nearly ran into me as I rounded the corner. He gasped, but I was too broken to make an utterance. "I'm sorry! I…" he cut himself short as my puffy eyes and stained cheeks gave away the first two hours of my night. Without a word, he gently held my arm and led me to… my… chambers. It hurt to think of his name. He led me inside and closed the door. He embraced me.

At first, I stiffened. Then, my arms snaked themselves around him and I held him tightly. There were no more tears I could shed, but I shook and gripped him tightly nonetheless. He petted my hair. "It will get better, I promise." He said that each time he found me grieving. I could call him out as a liar, but I wanted to believe him too much. I needed it to get better.

Hot tears stung my eyelids as they mustered themselves out of my tear ducts. Ronthil kissed them away, then down my cheeks, and then softly kissed my lips. "There are those who love you that you can still come to," he whispered as he slowly kissed me again. It was wrong to let him continue, but I needed the comfort. He knew that I didn't care for him in that way, but a little selfish indulgence helped us both in these moments. He continued to kiss my lips, cheeks, and eyes until my fresh wave of tears subsided. The tightness of his embrace felt like it was the only thing keeping me together.

"Tell me what you need, my Lady," he whispered into my hair. "I'm always happy to help, if I can."

"I…." What did I need? Another bandage over this wound time wasn't healing? That festered and worsened each time Harkon's death date came? No… "I need Harkon."

His only response was to hold me tighter.

Ronthil left to attend to his assistant duties and I was back in Harkon's chair again. Ronthil collected some mountain flowers of varying colors for me. They encircled Harkon's urn.

Harkon… He gave me a fulfillment no one else did. I could have so much power, but, for once, I didn't have to be the leader. Harkon remaining Lord of the castle seemed to be the only option. He couldn't die of old age. He had also been alive for millennia before I had even been born. I thought that would at least have given him near-invincibility. All those years of experience could not be attained by what would be considered a mere child compared to him. He _needed_ to be my king, my master. I craved the rush of power I got as I sent my sword through the top of someone's skull. The day-to-day babysitting of a court was extraordinarily irritating. Harkon was supposed to be the king while I pursued my lust for battle.

I sighed. I knew he wasn't giving it his all when we fought. His words were harsh, but his movements and the look in his eyes… He expected unfaltering loyalty. I had given it to him. When I figured out Serana had other ideas concerning the prophecy, I intentionally avoided her when she might have volunteered herself to come along with me. I did everything I could without her. But, when trying to access the Soul Cairne, it was hopeless. She had to come. That was my mistake. I wanted to tell Harkon of what I had found, but, with it being a dead end, I didn't want to do that to him. A person could only be disappointed so much. I should have found another way in, but, hindsight is cruel.

Sticking with Serana was my second mistake. I thought it would be easier to traverse the Soul Cairne with company and, with it being her mother we were intending to demand an Elder Scroll from, she seemed a better option than relying on luck. Afterwards, she clung to me like a barnacle. Again and again, I would tell her to just stay at the castle or otherwise let me go alone and she would utterly refuse my requests. Even trying to outrun her was futile. Since I couldn't get rid of her, I figured that her coming along would make things go quicker and smoother.

Well, it did. At the price of Harkon's trust. Maybe if Serana had stayed at the castle while I went and retrieved the bow, I could have explained myself to Harkon. He was used to surprise gifts by that point. But, no, instead I trusted that Serana's presence wouldn't color me as a traitor. I was such a moron.

Stupid. Short-sighted. I should have talked to Harkon. I shouldn't have ever associated with Serana. I think I was his last attempt at finding someone who would be loyal to him. The last person he thought he should attempt to invest in a caring relationship with. I was, and still am, so strong, but I wanted to serve him so much. I didn't want his throne. His throne… this luxurious chair that I have sat in every day. How long had it been since his death? In truth, I had lost track. I stopped counting the days, for they felt like an eternity. It was a daily reminder of a defeat I couldn't handle.

Sigh. I was rarely bested, even when facing numerous foes. I remembered when I was finally, after what had to have been a hundred attempts, able to coax him to attend my second assault on the Elven fort on the shore…

"Please, sire?" I begged, hands clasped. "It's so much fun! You were right when you said I would learn new ways to use my powers. Let me show you? Please?"

He gave me the look that usually preceded the denial of my request. "Iola…"

"It's incredibly fun! You're always in this stuffy castle. What's the point of being so strong and gifted if you never go out and use it?" I gave him the best puppy-eyed begging face I had ever done. "Please, my sire? Just this once?"

I had him. His lips twitched and he rubbed his brow. "I will grant you this one time." I jumped, squealed, and laughed like a madwoman. I couldn't help but lunge into an embrace with him, I was unbelievably excited. He was startled, at first, but his arms crept around me and gave me a short, but pleasant, embrace. "Go get ready." He was smiling. Usually, when I got all affectionate, I was met with an unease that made his smile fade. Not this time. I bounced all the way to my coffin in the common sleeping quarters. My armor was leaning against the wall.

I had never put on armor so quick in my life. As I fidgeted by the door, waiting, my face lit up when I saw him descend the stairs attaching his sword to his hip. "Vingalmo, I will be on the mainland shore for a few hours. Do not disappoint me in my absence."

"Yes, sire."

And, we were off. I pulled the door open as he ascended the entryway steps. The cool wind from outside made his hair sway in an enchanting way, the strands glittering in the light. His lips turned up into a half smile as he approached the door with new vigor. "It has been too long, Iola. Your constant attempts to convince me to accompany you on your various endeavors are appreciated."

The door closed behind us. All I could do is smile ear to ear. "Shall we take the boat? Or fly over?"  
>He contemplated for only a second. "The boat. Let's make our approach a surprise."<p>

We boarded the vessel, and, to my surprise, he took hold of the oars. "Sit and enjoy the voyage, Lady Iola," he said with a gesture to one of the wooden boards before him. The way he smiled as I took my seat brought a blush to my face, though I internally told myself that it was completely uncalled for.

He pushed against the dock with an oar, which set us on our course. The rhythmic movement of his strong arms and the slow slap of water against the boat and oars had me mesmerized. Tearing myself away, I looked ahead to the fort. I grinned. Tenacity had its rewards. I rubbed my cold hands together, both for a little warmth and out of excitement.

Harkon watched me intently, smile unfading. His deep intake of air turned my attention back to him. "The castle _is_ a little stuffy. I will put Vingalmo and Orthjolf to task about it."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Some fresh air is doing you good. Maybe some fresh blood will, too. You're happy, for once."

His gaze softened. "It's a rare pleasure. The prophecy has taken much of my time and effort. I suppose a small break was in order."

If we weren't in a boat that could capsize at any sudden movement, I would have hugged him. Everyone deserved to be happy, including Harkon. Was it really so bad to want your kingdom to flourish? To be able to go outside without feeling like your skin was searing off?

I nodded to his comment. "Don't worry about a thing. I will do whatever I can to make your dream a reality. When the Moth Priest comes to Skyrim, I will find him myself and bring him right to you. Then, it shouldn't be too hard to find out what the scrolls say and then find the bow." I looked at the sky and smiled. "I wouldn't doubt if it was in some cave or pit in the ground close by. It's always what happened when I would go looking for something."

"Sweet Iona, I've spent countless years searching for the bow. I imagine I would have found it if it were on my doorstep."

I nodded. "You're right. You can only overlook something so many times before you finally see it. It's probably not on castle grounds or on this shoreline, at the very least." My gaze turned to the depths of the water. "What if it was eaten by a big fish and it has been swimming around all over the place? That would explain why it couldn't be found: if it was moving around by something that couldn't utter its whereabouts."

"I doubt that is the case. However, the concept is one I have pondered for years. Brace yourself, Iona, the water has become shallow." I gripped the wooden seat and railing as tight as I could. He stopped rowing and allowed the boat to slowly drift towards the shore. The dock was dangerously close as the front of the boat met mud under the water. As soon as it halted, Harkon and I rose. He jumped up onto the dock and offered his hand.

I looked at it for a moment, before tentatively grasping hold. He had never been so warm. He pulled me up from the boat, onto the dock, and held me against him. I could feel his breath on my lips as I looked into his eyes. "Thank you. I have not had someone so close that wasn't trying to take my throne or acquire my favor for some end."

The kiss he gave was unexpected. I melted in his arms. I caressed him just under his ear and enjoyed the gentle attentions he gave. He pulled away, a little shakily from breaking his long standing persona. The façade he gave that made it seem he needed no one. "Let's kill us some elves," he whispered.

We stepped out of each other's arms, but before he turned away, I grasped his hand. He looked back at me. "Thank you for coming with me. It means a lot."

He nodded, a gentle smile overtaking him. "Only for you. I can tell you care a great deal for me. It's written all over your face and is ever-present in your eyes when you cast me your gaze. Tell me, is this merely admiration? Or, are you actually seeking something more?"

The dirt became very interesting to look at as my face did its best impression of a tomato. He turned my face up towards him, a cautious look in his eyes. "What is it you are seeking from me?"

My mouth was dry and I didn't think my hands could sweat more than they had. "Your love," I finally said after what felt like an eternity. I looked away. He had been strangely affectionate, but I couldn't take looking into his eyes as he rejected me.

"Give it time, Iola. You make me feel more youthful than I have in a very, very long time. You must understand the betrayal I have suffered has made me doubt the intentions of others. I enjoy your company, I will not lie. But," he made me look at him again, smile long since faded, "I need time. Most likely more than you're willing to give."

He gave me a lingering kiss to my forehead before stepping away and walking towards the doomed Altmer.

"Lord Harkon?" I finally spoke up through a broken voice. He turned towards me. "I can wait as long as it takes."

He gave a short nod. "Iola, dear, address me as Harkon."

I sighed. Memories like these haunted me. The could-have-beens cut the deepest. He might have loved me, if he were here. We could be slaughtering the elves or whatever had taken that deteriorating fort across the water again, at the very least. Harkon was such a beast in his transformed state. Lithe and the embodiment of strength, he slashed through Elven armor like parchment and drained the life from the strongest fighters like they were hapless thralls. I had to stop thinking about things like this, I reprimanded myself. But…

The Elf frantically ran for his life. Bits and pieces of his comrades were scattered all around. I took flight after him, wings propelling me through the cool night air. Harkon was finishing off another Elf, the sound of flesh tearing from bone echoing between the trees.

My current target dashed through the snow, but pitifully fell on his face. I paused a moment, allowing him to get back up. My thirst spiked when blood trickled out of his nose and into the pearly snow. He turned and pulled his sword. I lunged and slashed at his hand, sending the sword flying. He screamed in terror as I took ahold of him with my wings. I forced his arms to his side and, just before I ended his life, Harkon landed right behind him.

We shared a glance and then sandwiched the poor Elf between us, each biting down onto opposing sides of his neck. His struggling was pathetic between the two Vampire Lords, and he died moments later. I gulped down the remainder of what I could get from the Elf. Harkon and I stepped away and let the corpse fall unceremoniously to the ground. I stretched my wings and gave a contented sigh.

I proceeded to lick remaining blood off my hands. During the fight, I had made myself a complete mess. Whatever was in my hair needed to be washed out as soon as possible. Harkon didn't have anything in his hair, but we were still quite the pair. "Come. We shall bathe before returning to the castle."

He flew off and I followed. He took us to a nearby expanse of water along the shore where the waves weren't so active. We went waist-deep into the water and proceeded to rinse off the bits of Altmer that failed to remain with their owners. Harkon helped me with my hair.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I reminisced. However thankful I was to have such memories, it hurt nonetheless. I needed him. The bow was supposed to be the gift that would allow him to… I suppose, to love me. He would have what he had wanted for so long. Never would he have to endure the tyranny of the sun and he would also finally have someone who was dedicated to him. He could have moved on to his plans of making his kingdom stronger with me by his side. Or, at the least, I could have been his sword…

I didn't want his power, his wealth, or any of that. I just wanted the companionship that Valerica was gifted with but threw away. Valerica. Why couldn't she have just supported him? Her worries about what would happen if a vampire had the bow would have never manifested. The effects were temporary, and Harkon would have probably tempered down to using it only when the need arose. After all, the herd needed to grow crops. Or, she could have emphasized how strong he was without the bow. That would have been something.

"Iola?" Serana startled me out of my thoughts. "Why don't you come down to the great hall for a drink? You look like you haven't fed in over a week."

In truth, I hadn't. This time of year was always the worst. I need to leave some coins and gems for Harkon in a couple days in honor of his death day… "I would rather stay here."

She folded her arms against her chest. "Why? To sulk over Gods-know-what until you're beyond blood starved?"

I pursed my lips. "What does it matter if I spend my time here or somewhere else?"

"Mother and I think that you need to socialize more. You spend way too much time in here doing absolutely nothing. You're the Lady of the castle," she said with a hint of sarcasm on "Lady." "Yet, you don't even grace anyone else with your presence, let alone do anything else. And, besides, don't you think we could try to be friends again?"

"Serana, leave." I would rather rot in oblivion than try to patch things up with her. It's because of her that I was associated with treachery at all, and from that I lost the one I held dear.

She rolled her eyes and sighed, "At least feed on a thrall tonight. It seems like the Dawnguard are trying to kick back up, yet again. You don't fight your best when you've gone without blood for extended amounts of time."

"Just leave me be, Serana." My tone was weary.

She took a seat. "What is it that's bothering you this time?"

I shook my head. "It's nothing that can be fixed."

"We could talk about it, if you want." She picked up the cup that had sat on the table between us since Harkon last used it.

"Please put that back."

She looked confused. "Okay, I guess," she said as she put it onto the table. She looked around. "You know, you can move things around in here. It looks like no one's been in here for centuries."

I shrugged. "I don't see a need to." I couldn't move Harkon's things. To throw them away or replace them with my own things would be admitting a defeat I was still so sore from.

She watched me, brows furrowed and her lips turned down slightly. "Do you not feel at home here?"

"This is the only real home I've had."

"But then… why does it not look like you live here? Why have you left my Father's stuff untouched for so long?" She looked to the urn. "Are you… Are you grieving the loss of my father?" She was in a state of disbelief. I said nothing and stared off. The fire was merely embers now. There was no more wood to stoke it.

"I should have Ronthil bring some wood," I said as a pitiful attempt at changing the subject.

"How… why are you grieving for him? He's been dead for years! Why would you even miss the sick man who used us as a means to an end? What could he have possibly been to you if he so cold hearted that…" she was cut off by me smacking her as hard as I could. She flipped out of the chair and onto the ground.

"Don't you DARE speak ill of Harkon in my presence!"

Tears welled in her eyes. Whether it was from my behavior or the fact I nearly ripped the skin off her face, I didn't know nor did I care. "But…"

"OUT!" I bellowed. She shuffled in somewhat of a crab walk before she scrambled to her feet out the door. I slammed the door behind her. My whole body shook with rage. "How dare she!? If Harkon was here…" I stamped around the room, roaring to myself. If Serana were to come back, I would end her existence! There would be so little of her left, not even Valerica would know it was her!

My roars subsided to growls and I finally calmed enough to stand still. I couldn't take it anymore. I needed Harkon back, even if I had to go to Coldharbour to get him. It was at the point that I would send thousands of souls to Molag Bal, if it's what it took!

But, how? How!? Making a pact with a Daedra is very unwise. But then again, while running through the countless ruins over Skyrim, I had seen with my own eyes the dead being (almost) returned to Nirn! Queen Potema was nearly brought back to this world. Some other nobodies that had been entombed for hundreds, if not thousands, of years were even working to bring themselves back to life. So then why couldn't I do the same for Harkon?

I sat back down in his chair. But, would he even want to come back? Would he ever trust me again? What would he think of things so long after our fight? My sigh was heavy. I wished for things to be back the way they were before I got entangled with Serana. Before the light in Harkon's eyes extinguished before we fought to the death.


	3. Chapter 3

Rustling sounds from the hall garnered my attention as they reached their loudest point at my door. The door was slowly opened. Ronthil poked his head inside. Before he could ask, I said, "Come in, Ronthil." My temper was soothed as he slinked over to me, carrying a small sack. Curiosity was radiating from my eyes.

"My beautiful Lady, I believe I've found a lead to assist you on resurrecting Harkon."

"What? Ronthil, I didn't expect you to do this. Please, tell me what you found."

"I'm sorry I don't have more to offer, but I found a few books concerning rituals that we might be able to try. Though, we don't have the necessary items for the rituals. I was hoping to be of further assistance in this matter if you decided it was worth pursuing."

"Let me see the books," I demanded when I meant it to be a request. He handed them over immediately. Looking them over, they looked more like journals than anything else. I hurriedly thumbed through the pages. They were, in fact, journals and the handwriting was barely legible.

"Iola, if you haven't already, you could always consider my courtship proposal instead." His eyes were full of hope.

I put the journals into my lap and rested my hands on them. "Ronthil…"

"Just hear me out. We've known each other very well for decades. You always seem to enjoy my company and I can even ease your sorrows when you aren't able to get past them. I'm not Harkon, but I can love you just as much and support you in every way you desire."

Crushing the hopes and dreams of who I'd consider to be a friend was something I really didn't want to do. I sighed. "I told you that I'd think about it and when I was ready, I'd give you an answer."

"It's been nearly six years since I asked to court you." His eyes were downcast. "I wasn't asking for your hand in marriage. I didn't think courting would be too much to ask."

"Ronthil… Courtship isn't too much to ask of someone you're interested in. But, I don't think it would be fair to you if I was yearning for another while we courted. I can't stop thinking about him. When I awaken each evening, I'm in tears because he haunts my dreams." I turned to him. "Ronthil, sometimes they're so real that I leave the coffin expecting him to be sitting right here. It's as if he's trying to reach me through my memories and dreams, but I don't know if it's actually him influencing me or if I just can't get past his loss." I buried my face into my hands. The journals slid off my lap and onto the floor. He didn't need to see my tears again.

Before I knew it, his hands moved mine out of the way of my vision. "Let me help you heal," he nearly whispered. "I don't even know if these rituals will even work. Molag Bal might not let Harkon go. But I do know that, if given the chance, I could end your tears. We won't forget Harkon, but I can provide you the love and comfort you deserve."

He held my cheeks and gazed into my eyes. "Court me, Iola."

Could I tell him no? Could I afford to chase away the only person left in the world that gave a damn about what happened to me? "Ronthil…," his lip quivered and he grew tense, "the only thing I can promise or hope to give you is that I will try. I don't think I should do this, but I don't think I will ever be able to move on, either. I'll accept your courtship, but," his face lit up in sheer delight, "don't expect this to end well. Things like this never do, for me."

He didn't seem to hear the last bit of what I said, but I received his kiss anyways. I could try to move on. He released my lips and gripped me in a tight hug. My gaze wandered to Harkon's urn. But I would be damned if I didn't try to bring Harkon back to this realm as well.

"Do you think that her and Ronthil courting will be enough to draw her away from being so pointlessly devoted to Dad?"

"I sure hope so. I don't know if he would kill her if she worked to bring him back to Nirn, but I know you and I would be in terrible danger as well as all the mortals," Valerica whispered to her daughter. They abandoned their post at the partially opened door to Iola's room.

"She's absolutely obsessed. We need to push her to Ronthil as much as we can. He's been in love with her almost since the first time she set foot in the castle. He would be good for her. Maybe you should brew a few more speech potions in case he needs to persuade her to stay with him?"

Valerica nodded in agreement. "This will probably be the easiest way to break her of her obsession with Harkon. We've let her go too far as it is. I couldn't stand having another one in our clan deteriorating into an obsessive mess. Though, persuading Ronthil to take the speech potion earlier was quite a challenge. He wanted to win her over on charm and deeds alone."

"I know, but she hadn't really so much as given him a passing glance before. She's always seemed to like him, so hopefully their relationship will flourish without a problem. I don't want to think about what will happen if she gets worse." Serana stared forward with anguish in her eyes.

"Hopefully it won't come to that. We both know what signs to look for this time. It's our responsibility to her to watch out for those signals of her mental deterioration. Harkon was formidable; we can't afford for Iola to turn on us more than she has."

Ronthil leaned back onto his heels, still crouched before me. "Thank you so much for this opportunity. I won't let you," he paused for a second, "I mean, us, down." He gave me another kiss. I willed myself to respond to his attentions, but the results were weak at best. Ronthil didn't seem to care. "Can I bring you a thrall? Or, rather, would you join me in the main hall? Neither of us has fed tonight."

I nodded weakly. "Whatever you wish." My head felt as though it had become very, very light. My arms and legs felt numb and heavy. Did I just really agree to court Ronthil? Was I really so deep in grief that I would court Ronthil just for a way out? Forget Coldharbour, I might be headed to the Shivering Isles when I pass from this world.

He stood up. "Actually, I think you should bring me a thrall. I don't feel well all of a sudden," I said as I held my head to try and steady the sudden onslaught of dizziness.

He tapped my shoulder. "I've brought a thrall. Are you all right?"

The touch was startling. I hadn't heard him leave or come back."I think so. It might just be all the stress and exhaustion hitting me all at once." I stood and gripped the thrall for balance as the room started to spin. Ronthil kept both me and the thrall from toppling due to my severe unsteadiness.

"Feed and you might feel better."

My instincts led me when my eyes couldn't. The blood from the poor woman before me was soothing. I gripped her tightly as I slowly fed from her. Warmth spread through my body and I could feel my strength returning. My magical powers waned, but so did the sudden bout of head sickness. The thrall groaned as she grew too weak to stand. I swallowed a few more mouthfuls before I cast a healing spell over her.

"Thank you, Ronthil, but I think I need to rest. I have a terrible headache now," I said as I rubbed my eyes. It felt as though if I were to pop out my eyes, it would relieve the pressure of the headache. I wasn't willing to try it.

"That's fine, Iola. I'll help you to your coffin and check on you in an hour or two to see if there's anything else you need." I weakly nodded as he took me by the arm. A nap sounded pretty good. Dehydration could be behind my headache from crying so much without drinking anything for about a week. I barely registered being helped into my coffin. It didn't take long for sleep to take me.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, Ronthil, how did it go?" Serana asked as she shared a knowing glance with Valerica.

"It went fine. She accepted my courtship and I was even able to get her to drink from a thrall." He sat down at the table with them in the main hall. Blood spattered goblets were scattered across the table and one found its way into Ronthil's hand. He took a small drink. "Valerica, I think there were adverse effects to that potion. She was overcome with dizziness and a headache afterwards."

"Where is she now?" Valerica asked.

"Asleep. I had to help her to her coffin. She seemed like she was really weak; I had to help her walk. In a couple of hours I will check up on her," he said as he stared into his cup, swirling the contents slowly.

"It shouldn't have. If anything, any adverse effects should have been applied to you, too. Are you feeling well?"

Ronthil nodded. "I've never been better."

"Do you feel well, too, Serana?" Valerica asked.

"I'm just fine."

"Well I'm certain that the effects of the potion haven't subsided yet, so I don't how the potion could be the cause of Iola's condition."

Ronthil shook his head. "I kissed her. Do you think that, if she were to have ingested a small amount of the potion, my persuasion could have ill effects?" He sat down his cup and sighed.

"I doubt it, but I can look into it later." Valerica took a drink from her own goblet. "Keep her busy in the meantime and let us know if her condition worsens."

When I opened my eyes, the unmistakable view of the shrine of Molag Bal was before me. For whatever reason, I was in the Cathedral. The eerie feeling that there was a presence in this room came over me. Quickly, I made my way out while rubbing the icy, crawling feeling skin of my arms. The door clicked shut behind me and I proceeded to my room.

As I went to sit down in front of the hearth, the journals caught my attention. I took a seat in Harkon's throne and proceeded to read the journals. Deciphering the journals would be a better way to describe what I was doing. The by the end of the first page, I could feel another headache manifesting.

I got up, went up the steps, and put the journals onto the desk. I rummaged around for some paper, a quill, and inkpots. Dust that had accumulated over the last hundred or so years took to the air and clung to my hands as I smeared it away. I collected the chair next to the throne and put it to use at the desk as I worked on copying the journals, but into my own handwriting for ease of reading. Halfway through the journal, my eyes caught my door opening.

"You're awake! How do you feel, my dear?" Ronthil asked as he crossed the threshold.

"I am better," I said as I got back to work. Whoever wrote these journals should be strangled, I thought.

He ascended the steps eagerly. "So you're going to try to bring back Harkon, anyways?" He asked with a tone of gloom.

"I was just curious as to what they say, nothing more," Iola the Liar responded. I didn't need to break his heart just yet.

"Oh, any luck?" he asked. I couldn't tell if he believed my words.

"Not really. The writing is hardly legible. How could you tell these have rituals in them, let alone anything else they say?"

"Let me show you, Love." He flipped to a page near the back. "See this list? Most of these ingredients are usually used in this combination to summon things from Oblivion. And, here," he showed me a page near the end, "the author wrote that they had successfully resurrected someone else. I can't read the name of the one they brought back to Nirn, but I think that hardly matters."

"Have you already read through these?" I asked, feeling like I had just wasted an hour of my night.

"No, I just flipped through them. When I saw the list, I took the other journals in case they could be used as well."

"And, where did they come from?"

"Wolfskull Cave. Rumor had it that a coven of necromancers tried to revive Queen Potema there. I'm sure you're familiar with this." I stared at him.

"Of course I am. I was the one that screwed up their ritual and," I covered my eyes and forehead with my hand, "killed the person who probably wrote these journals." Hindsight was definitely cruel. I groaned.

"Why don't you take a break from that and join me in the main hall? We could talk over a goblet of blood?" He was so hopeful that it hurt my ears. Blood did sound nice, however.

"I think I want to go hunting. It's been a while." I need to investigate Wolfskull Cave, I thought. Maybe I could find the things that I needed there.

"Oh, could I join you? The weather is pleasant, so maybe we could visit Solitude and listen to the bards play outside the college, there. We could even go to the inn for the night and have a little fun."

"I think I need a little time alone." His eyes saddened. "But, I suppose we could go tomorrow night? I just need to clear my head a bit."

"Alright, I understand." He stopped frowning. "Don't go venturing out too far. Trouble always seemed to find you when you would leave." He started heading out the door. "And, don't forget that the Dawnguard are trying to reform again. They were a pain when we dealt with the prophecy business, so I anticipate they will be just as bad this go round."

He finally left. I set to work copying the list of ingredients and instructions. It didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. I could raise the dead and summon daedra, but this was well beyond me. Hopefully, Wolfskull Cave would yield some names I could look into. If they were mortal, they're definitely long dead by now, but perhaps they had apprentices or children that might have the answers…

With that, I put the journals into a small knapsack with a couple health potions and a coin purse. I pulled my royal armor from the wardrobe and Auriel's Bow from a display case. Looking over my stock of arrows, there were only a few blood cursed arrows, some Orkish arrows, iron arrows, ancient Nord arrows, and a handful of a few others. I should track down some Elven arrows to have them blessed. No matter, I thought to myself as I shoved them into a quiver and then attached it and the bow to my back. After donning my royal armor, boots, and vampire gauntlets, I was nearly ready.

The last item I had stowed in the chest in the Cathedral. I quietly made my way there, as if I were a teenager sneaking from the family home. Slipping inside and carefully opening the lid of the chest, I retrieved Harkon's sword. His armor and the ring I gave him were included in the chest, neatly folded and stacked. As I attached the sword to my hip, I mumbled to myself, "I wished to serve as your sword, my dearest, and with that I shall amend past mistakes."

Finally ready to go, I strutted to the main hall. "Vingalmo, I'm leaving. Take care of things until I get back." He looked up at me as though he couldn't believe his ears. With that, I was making my way out the door.

The air was freezing by Nord standards and was a shock to someone who spent most of her time in front of a fire. Quickly, I pushed myself towards the shore and transformed. Without hesitation, I flew to the main shore and over the main mountains. As a road came close, I changed back to my humanoid form to avoid fights with the local guard. It felt so good to stretch my wings again.

Walking along the main road sent a flood of memories my way. With a smile, I remembered all the traveling I did on foot until I finally broke down and bought a horse. I could have summoned Arvak, but the walk was quite refreshing. "Thank you, Ronthil," I said to the night sky. This was the hope I needed.

"Laas," I whispered. A few auras lit up near me. None bipedal, though, to my disappointment. Though, I was giddy to use my Thu'um now. Maybe I should summon Durnehviir? Or, maybe use unrelenting force to send an unfortunate bear off a cliff? I made a decision. "Wuld Nah Kest!" I shouted. The Thu'um sent me speeding down the road. For whatever reason, I began to laugh. It felt so good to have a purpose again. A Dovah was never meant to be kept in a cage. The best part was, instead of moping and crying every night, I was actually doing something about Harkon. Thoughts of what our meeting would be like tried to enter my mind, but I pushed them aside. No need for tears of any kind this night.

The noise of my whirlwind shouts echoed across the mountains like cracks of thunder. I surely was scaring off any potential prey, but I was having too much fun. Shouting in the castle would make a catastrophic mess on top of making the ears of every vampire in the place bleed. Before I knew it, I could see lights from Solitude.

Hopefully, they didn't suspect all the noise to be coming from me. As the last Dragonborn, it would be an awkward situation trying to explain why I wasn't dead yet all the while not telling them I was a vampire. People had a habit of panicking and trying to set me on fire when they found out and it was something I generally tried to avoid.

"Hmmm… should I visit Solitude?" I wondered aloud to myself. Probably not if I wanted to feed again tonight, and I definitely did. Suddenly, it felt as though I had been set aflame. "Ahh, shit, shit!" I yelled as I ran for the nearest cave. Refuge came in the form of a rock overhang. "Gods damn it!" My body trembled with the sudden onslaught of pain. I pulled out a blood cursed arrow and readied the bow. My breath was difficult to steady. "One, two, three," I counted to myself as I quickly aimed for the rising sun and let loose the arrow. Quickly, I ducked back into the overhang.

My body slumped as I leaned against the dirt and rock. Weakly, I cast a healing spell over myself to ease away the pain. Fuck, I thought, I didn't realize I was out this late. The sun was enveloped in the dark, swirling magical mass that I eagerly welcomed. Sweet relief, I thought. I put the bow onto my back again. Hunting just became more difficult unless I wanted to openly attack someone walking along the road.

Somewhere near Morthal would probably yield more opportunities, I wagered. Large caravans would be rare. Even a solitary guard that wanders too far out of city limits would be good enough. The people were also extremely superstitious about the marsh, so that could be a potential problem. Hiding the body would be easy, however. Mudcrabs and skeevers sometimes had a taste for humans. "Laas," I whispered again and look around. No luck. The only auras that came up were a ways away, and I figured they were probably guards. They seemed to be patrolling, as they retraced their steps, again and again.

Returning to my feet, I set out to cross through the trees and swim across the river. Or, if I was lucky enough, use a boat that was left unattended. Luck was not on my side, however, and I debated whether to swim across or not. Slaughterfish were common through here, but I had swum in the past with no issues. I opted to walk along the shore for a shallower crossing. Or, an unattended boat. That would be nice.


	5. Chapter 5

My walk yielded neither a shallow crossing nor boat. Thankfully, no swim, either. I came across a hunter who had taken to sitting by the riverside with a little fishing gear. "Laas," I whispered again, checking around for anyone that might rat me out for murder. Finding no other auras, I proceeded to sneak up on the poor sod. My mouth watered in anticipation as I cautiously crept up to him.

In one swift movement, I wrapped one arm around his torso, negating the use of one of his arms and brought my other around to clasp his mouth. Screaming had a tendency to make my ears ring. In my steely grip, he struggled fiercely as I sunk my teeth into his neck. As quick as I could, I drank him dry. A new problem had arisen.

Apparently, I wasn't as far away from Solitude as I thought I was, as a guard was casually walking along the road above me and my corpse. I didn't see him in my neglect to use the full shout. He had yet to see me, so I let the body go into the main current of the river the best I could before sneaking to hide behind some foliage. The guard kept walking. I needed to get away before he turns around to retrace his patrol, I thought. He'll definitely see the body floating down the river. The brief thought of taking him as another meal was tempting, but my investigation to revive Harkon was far more deserving of my quickly disappearing time.

I watched the guard as he walked up the road further. Quietly, I made a break for it and dashed upriver a bit further before I waded across. Ugh, my boots are full of water now, I complained to myself. Soggy boots wasn't much of a price to pay for a full stomach without a bounty, however.

After walking for a bit, I took a seat on an old stump. My boots had dried on the outside, but I needed to take them off for the insides to dry. "Laas Yah Nir," I whispered. Only some distant mudcrabs came up, so I pulled off the waterlogged boots. Setting aside my bow and unstrapping my knapsack, I sought out the books I prayed didn't get wet. Luck was only partially on my side.

The first and second journals were perfectly fine. The third journal suffered only a little on the edges. My edition of the first journal somehow had been completely ruined. My exasperated sigh was accompanied by a roll of my eyes. "I forgot to bring anymore paper or ink. Gods damn it." To pass the time, I glanced over the ritual instructions and ingredient list. The ritual itself was intricate, but not impossible. The ingredients would prove a little hard to come by, however. It called for an extraordinary amount of void salts and nightshade extract as well as a variety of mountain flowers and fungus. I spent most of my little break trying to figure out where I could get a large amount of void salts.

Without someone with expertise, the chances of me getting this right on the first try were really low. My lips pursed. Maybe there were rumors of necromancer activity floating around. That could be a start. My eyes opened wide in realization. Fallion. He would probably know about these kinds of things. He would probably be dead by now, but he had at least one adopted child, if I remembered right. Maybe Morthal would be the end to my misery.

My boots were still wet when I slipped them on, but it wasn't as if water was going to kill me anytime soon. How should I approach this matter? Would the child even be in Morthal? Would I even recognize her? There was also the possibility that she was dead, too, or never learned what Fallion knew.. I had to try, for Harkon's sake. I packed up my things and proceeded to advance on Morthal.

The town was exactly in the same state as it had been what I guessed to be a century prior. The inn had had renovations, and a couple of homesteads added, but otherwise nothing had changed. There were all new faces, I noted. Longevity wasn't exactly common in Skyrim. I walked through town as casually as I could. When I passed the Jarl's longhouse, there was a strong feeling of eyes on me. "Thane Iola?"

I froze. What should I do? I was a terrible liar, except maybe when it came to Ronthil. Well, the worst that could happen is they try to set me on fire… "Y-yes?" I turned. It was the younger son of the previous Jarl. I couldn't remember what his name was.

"Would you please join the Jarl this afternoon?"

Never before had my stomach tied itself into so many knots. Although nothing would ever compare to facing Alduin, this was pretty high up on the anxiety list. My mouth was too dry to properly form words, so I nodded.

Once inside, I took note that the interior had been remodeled at least once. "Thane Iola, how nice to finally see you again," a female voice said. She sat upon the Jarl's throne and looked quite old. There was absolutely no way this was the Jarl I knew. Was that the older daughter? "I have seen you coming for quite some time. Please, take a seat." There was an empty chair near her, as if she had been expecting me. I wouldn't doubt it if she was. I did as she requested.

"I know why you are here, and I wanted to tell you that you're wasting your time. That ritual won't work on a vampire that's bound to a Daedric Prince." I stiffened at her words. "Please don't take offense to what I say. I'm telling you because I appreciate all you have done in the past. You were given very little in return for facing Alduin on top of countless other sacrifices you made, and I figured you at least deserved my knowledge on this subject. It's the least I could do for you."

I didn't want to believe her. I couldn't. Tears threatened to brim my eyes, but I convinced myself that not all seers were accurate and pushed the tears away. "Iola, listen to me. If you go through with this you will only be in more pain that you are in now. Seek another path if you wish. Please, abandon this project for the sake of those who care about you."

My breathing had stopped. If I took so much as a breath, I would probably start to cry. I couldn't give up on this lead. It was all I had. Idgrod the Younger, I remembered. This is who I was talking to. "So, I take it that your gift matured over the years?" My voice was weak.

"Indeed it did. I may have surpassed my mother, though it took a great deal of effort. Also, while you stay in Morthal, I would ask that you avoid the citizens. I don't want Sanguinare Vampiris spread through the town. Would you do this for me?"

I nodded. "I will do this as I have little other business here if the ritual will not work as you said. You should know, however, I am not infected with that disease."

This caught her off guard. The surprise on her face gave me a small amount of satisfaction. I rose from my seat. "May I be dismissed, my Jarl?"

"How… how are you a vampire and not infected with Sanguinare Vampiris? I know there are different types of vampires, but they all carry the disease."

"I do not carry the disease and nor was I infected with it. My sire received his gift directly from Molag Bal."

To say she was stunned was an understatement. Every part of her body had become tense, but then relaxed as she seemed to have found some profound understanding. I took my seat again. "Are you a servant of the Daedra as well?"

"My Jarl, every Daedra has sought me out as their 'champion.' I have never once worshiped a Daedra and nor do I have plans to do so in the future."

She reclined in her seat and nodded weakly. "Has Molag Bal ever spoken to you?"  
>There was no point in trying to lie at this point. "Yes, in Markarth."<p>

"And… as a result of this interaction, you are his 'champion?'"

"Yes." I didn't want to tell her what I had to do to get his mace.

"Then why don't you ask your Lord for assistance?"

"Seeking out a Daedric Prince for a deal is unwise."

"Yes, but you are favored by him. Have you received gifts from him in exchange for your… services?" She looked about as pale as I did. Her hands were fidgeting with discomfort.

"A weapon, once."

"Since your soul is already bound to Coldharbour or perhaps some other Daedric realm, I honestly believe there would be no consequence more damaging than that. I suggest asking Molag Bal for the return of the other vampire. It is unknown to me what he would demand of you, however."

I thought about it for a moment and another issue came up in my mind. "Why are you telling me all of this? Do you actually support me in this endeavor?"

She sighed. "You have always been unreasonably successful in you pursuits. I don't doubt that you will be successful this time, as well. I only ask that, in time, you use your best judgment when it comes to those who call Skyrim home."

By this time, her brother had come to join us after having disappeared after our brief conversation. This was also the first time I had noticed their bodyguard. He practically blended into the walls. He also looked as though he was about to soil himself. I nodded. "I can do that for you, my Jarl."

The Jarl's face seemed to relax as she stared off. "I thank you for your hospitality and knowledge, my Jarl, but I would ask for leave," I requested.

She didn't respond. She didn't even so much as blink. I looked to her brother in confusion. He was watching her intently. The situation had become awkward, but curiosity kept me in my seat. "You need to leave, Iola," she finally said.

I stared at her in confusion. "What? Why?"

"Iola, run to the southwest. The Dawnguard that have been tracking you since they found a slain hunter are about to arrive."

"They can't possibly be that big of a challeng-"

"Iola, GO!" she yelled.

I jumped out of my seat and ran out the door. It didn't take me long to be headed over the bridge towards the mill. Then, the familiar sound of a 'thwunk' rang in my ears as a bolt struck the ground in front of me. Risking a glance back, I caught the view of a vampire hunter reloading her crossbow. I took that moment so summon Arvak and to mount the skeletal horse. As quickly as possible, we made our way out of Morthal and into the wilds.


	6. Chapter 6

The persistence of the new Dawnguard members was astonishing. Typically, they ran around in groups of three. I could easily dispatch small parties of them in the past. It seems that they learned from that mistake. I used to be able to just outrun them and not have to worry about seeing them for quite a while, if I was in a hurry to get somewhere as well. Not anymore. Horses were now being used, too. To top it off, seemed to know exactly who I was.

"Keep up on her! Don't give her time to transform!"

I needed help in my present state of panic. "Ah," I cried as a sharp pain erupted in my back. A bolt must have struck me. "Durnehviir!"

His summoning circle appeared on the ground and I rode right past it. The Dawnguard horsemen, however, were confronted with a hostile. rotting dragon. My face scrunched with pain. I reached behind me the best I could and tore out the bolt with a loud cry of agony. As quickly as I could while directing Arvak, I cast a healing spell over myself. I looked at the bolt. "Shit, they've upgraded these things, too." There were little ridges in it that seemed to help it dig in. There was also a very weak fire enchantment on it.

If it weren't for the fact that my horse was already long dead, I would have been worried. I pushed him as hard as I could and didn't stop. We traveled west until the blocked out sun was beginning to set. Soreness settled heavily into my thighs, butt, and back. It almost felt like I had blisters forming on my inner parts of my legs. Wearily, I dismounted. Arvak collapsed to the ground with a cry and disappeared.

Slowly, I walked alongside the main road, but far enough into the trees that I wouldn't be easily spotted. I cast another healing spell for as long as I dared, ebbing away the pain until it was nearly no more. Paranoia served me well, as I carefully hid in the brush. A couple of my pursuers trotted by on horses, looking around. Durnehviir seemed to have taken down a few of them before the Soul Cairn reclaimed him.

My lips pursed as a ball of magic appeared in one of their hands. The caster pointed in my direction. Great, I thought. They're using clairvoyance to track me down. I pulled Auriel's Bow into my arms and nocked an arrow. Carefully, I aimed as they started coming towards me. As soon as I let the arrow loose, I took off running. A loud thump and one yelling Dawnguard member behind me let me know that my arrow made its mark.

Against the advice of the Jarl, I went north. Dragon's Bridge came into view and I about cheered in delight. I could make the town guard fight off the remaining Dawnguard. It would actually be pretty hilarious watching my pursuer be swarmed with guards as I sat on my rear watching. 'Thwump' went the bolt into my calf. "Gah!" I yelled as my run turned into a harried limp.

I turned again and nocked another arrow, letting it fly without much aiming. The arrow nicked my assaulter, which was enough for the bow's ability to take effect. The rider caused the horse to panic as he screamed and flailed about trying to put the sun-flames out. The result was the rider on the ground and the horse dashing off into the woods. I readied my bow as quickly as I could and aimed for the exposed throat of the Dawnguard.

"Wait," he pleaded, "I don't want to die!"

"Then you shouldn't have ran me down," I said as I let the arrow loose.

His life ended quickly and I took advantage of the break to remove yet another bolt and to heal. Dragon's Bridge was a little ways away, so I dragged the Dawnguard's body into the bushes. I took my arrow from his throat and looked it over. It seemed fully intact, so I decided to keep it for future use. The blood glistened on it beautifully in the moonlight. I couldn't help but lick it clean before putting it in my quiver, careful to not cut my tongue.

I walked into town. The inn was so inviting at this point. A little bit of rest before making my way back to the castle would do me some good. Heat enveloped me as I crossed the threshold. Sounds of happy drunks and an enthusiastic bard filled the hall. "Come in, come in," said a smiling young woman who I believed to be the innkeeper. "I've got hot food and warm beds. What can I get for you?"

I smiled back, "A bed and whatever's for dinner would be nice."

"Sure thing, it'll be 25 Septims." I pulled out my coin purse and gave what she requested. "I'll show you to your room, right this way."

I followed her to a room to the left of the bar. "I'll have dinner right up. Let me know if there's anything else you need." She left and brought back the stew. A few extra coins from my purse were her reward for the quick service. "Have a good night," she said as she excused herself.

I reclined onto the bed. It was lumpy and didn't exactly smell pleasant, but it was good enough to mull over everything that had happened over the last day. Remembering what Jarl Idgrod the Younger told me brought on a wave of rage and grief. Was I really so useless that I couldn't alter the ritual to bring back a vampire? Why did I spend so much time sitting on my ass crying my eyes out instead of researching a way to solve my problem? And, what provoked me to run from the Dawnguard rather than sending them to the Gods with my bare hands?

The only conclusion I could come up with is that I had become soft. I had been soft for a long time. Everything I wanted (or good things I never sought after) had a tendency to fall into my lap. There was always an incredible amount of luck on my side, as well. Sure, I had to get off my duff and go do something, but it didn't seem like I had to work as hard as other sell-swords or adventurers. I certainly didn't die in a ruin like most did. Well, I wouldn't consider myself dead, anyways. Maybe not alive in the traditional sense, but I definitely wasn't dead. Draugr were dead.

I growled quietly to myself. I was a Vampire _Lord, _not some milk-drinking skeever. Harkon was depending upon me! Or, at least, I hoped so. Since I couldn't actually communicate with him, I could only hope what I was doing was within his wishes. Hopefully, somehow, he would know that I was never disloyal and that his assumptions when I arrived with Serana were wrong.

Before we fought, I gave him the bow hoping he would see that. I think he was too angry and hurt. My suspicions had always been that Vingalmo or Orthjolf fed him rumors. To what end? I didn't know. Neither of them gained the throne. If anything, they got demoted. Advisers weren't necessary, in my opinion. My sigh was heavy. When he turned the bow on me, my heart broke. For a moment, I hoped he would give me a quick death, it hurt so much. But, before my life could be ended, such a rage filled me. Why, after everything, would he believe that I would break all my promises to him?

I ended up saying things I didn't mean with the goal to make him hurt as much as I did. After long consideration, I think that's what he did, too. It was as if he had expected me to turn on him from the beginning. He thought I would be just like everyone else. Valerica, Serana… Even his court couldn't be trusted. The only difference was that he hoped that I was different. I _was_ different. But, I guess he was too hurt to realize it.

I steeled my nerves. Maybe finding a way to communicate with him would be easier. Then, I could know if he even wanted to return to Tamriel. He was never fond of people making choices for him. Though, I was certain he didn't want to be dead. Maybe… maybe I would follow Idgrod's advice and try to talk with Molag Bal.

The worst that could happen is that my soul be bound to him and it already was. Coldharbour wasn't known as the most welcoming of places, either, so it was unlikely making a request could make anything much worse than I was destined to when I died. Well, if I died. There was always the chance that I would be on Mundus forever. Perhaps the best approach would be to use his mace to kill off people that couldn't defend themselves against me prior to trying to make a request of him. If anything, I needed to kill off some Dawnguard without running away like a milk-drinker before I approached him.

Dinner forgotten, I sat up and took the books out of my bag and spread them out onto the bed. I flipped open again to the ritual instructions. The void salts and nightshade extract needed to be mixed into a paste to draw with. There was an image on the page of an intricate summoning circle. Then, the remaining ingredients needed to be placed on certain points. Then, the preserved body needed placed onto the circle without smudging the lines. Harkon's remains were preserved, but what was really required was an undamaged corpse.

I tried looking through the other journals, but it was pretty useless. Half of the words were written so poorly that I couldn't decipher what they said. The journals were practically worthless to me. Wolfskull Cave still seemed like an option, even though the Jarl's words had been nothing but true thus far and she said to not even bother. Finding some active necromancers seemed like a more viable option.

Ugh. Perhaps I had been handling the whole situation wrong from the start. I felt as though I were blind and trying to fumble my way through unknown territory. This feeling wasn't foreign with me. When I took in my first dragon soul, my life capsized into a wild ocean. Prior, life made sense. I was a Companion and did petty jobs all over Skyrim. Things were simple. I worked, I was paid, and I bought what I needed. That ended when I had to start making choices for everyone in this land and elsewhere.

The only time I felt sure of myself was after the peace council held at High Hrothgar to put a pause to the civil war. Delphine came to me with an ultimatum: kill Paarthurnax, or sever my ties with the Blades. It only took a moment to realize what the right choice was. The answer was so clear. She nodded her head only once when I told her, "Then this is goodbye, Delphine."

Paarthurnax. Meditating with him brought clarity to my life. Clarity was something I desperately needed. I didn't know if Paarthurnax was still on top of the Throat of the World, or who the current residing Greybeards were. My headache returned. Meditation seemed like a far better option than skulking around in a cave or making a pact with a Daedric Prince. Things would probably be much clearer, afterwards.

I took a good, long look at my room. My mind had been going so fast with my eyes only on my prize, I had failed to pay attention to even what my surroundings looked like. That's probably why I didn't realize the Dawnguard had been tracking me. That's also probably why I lost track of Idgrod's brother so easily and didn't notice her bodyguard until after he could of lopped my head off. Thinking back over the last couple days, let alone the many years since Harkon's death, I couldn't recall the details of anywhere I had been.

This room had warn wood floors. A few of the boards didn't quite run together snugly, so you could see the dirt underneath. A small square, woven rug with a red and blue pattern rested upon the floor. It was new compared to everything else. My bed consisted of a dark colored wooden frame with straw on it. There was a pelt from either a horse or a cow on it so that the guest, or in this case, me, wouldn't be sleeping directly in the old, but not yet rotting, straw. A thin cloth blanket was also provided.

Next to my bed was a small wardrobe with a square pattern carved into the doors. There was also an old chest at the foot of the bed. The iron fittings and locking mechanism were beginning to rust. A chair was placed across from my bed against the wall. Several candle glowed gently in a holder mounted into the wall above the chair. I couldn't believe how much detail in my life I had been missing.

I cleared the bed of my things and laid back. After a short nap, I would go back to the castle and prepare for a journey up to High Hrothgar. It was definitely time to talk to a fellow dovah who had everything together. Hopefully, maybe, he could help me piece together some of my life, as well.

Ronthil paced by the softly lit entryway. "Where could she be? I thought she would be back by now," he muttered to himself.

"What makes you say that?" Serana asked as she finished securing a braid in her hair..

"Yesterday, she said she would only be gone for the night. We also made some loose plans to go out tonight."

"I suppose we could go look for her. Do you know where she was headed? She didn't say when she announced she was leaving."

"No. All she said is that she wanted time to clear her head and to go hunting. We had talked about going to Solitude, but she didn't really seem interested," Ronthil replied, disappointed.

"Huh. It's would be strange if she wandered far. I don't know what she could be doing, aside from roaming aimlessly," Serana thought out loud.

Ronthil took on a bit of a sheepish look. "Well, she might have ventured to Wolfskull Cave."

"Why?" Serana asked with a more serious tone.

"You see, I had taken it upon myself to try and make her happy. We both know that a good mood from her has been in extremely short supply since Harkon was defeated." Serana folder her arms over her chest with a 'get to the point' look. Ronthil fidgeted. "I might have delivered to her some journals from that cave detailing how to resurrect someone from the dead."

Serana's jaw went slack as her brain went into overdrive. "You _what_?!"

"It was better than seeing her tears! She actually held a conversation with me and did something aside from cry or stare off into the hearth in her room! I thought that if she could be pulled away from grieving, I might be able to-." Ronthil was cut short as Serana ran to the courtyard.

"Mother, we need to track down Iona!" Serana urgently said as she burst through the courtyard doors.

"What's going on, Serana?" Valerica replied calmly as she finished pruning a juniper tree.

"Iona is trying to revive Father!" Serana nearly yelled as she grabbed onto her mother's shoulders. "We can't let her do this! That lunatic will kill us!"

Valerica's breath stilled as a look of horror crossed her face. "Where is she? Do you know if she's already started the process?"

"Ronthil believes she might have gone to Wolfskull Cave where he found journals detailing how to resurrect someone."

The cool anger and aura of panic was palpable. "We're leaving. Take me to Ronthil, first." The two women stormed to the main entry of the castle with Serana leading the way. Ronthil was still at the door. "Ronthil, do you have any idea what you have set in motion?" Valerica fumed.

All Ronthil could do was continue to look sheepish. "She's not an accomplished necromancer, Valerica. I was hoping that this would end her mourning so that she might put some heart into our courting. I want our relationship to be more than me comforting her as she weeps over another vampire."

This didn't stop Valerica from seething and Serana from almost breaking her outwardly calm demeanor into a full-on panic. "Idiot man," Valerica hissed. "You are coming with us to track her down. You had better hope that my husband hasn't returned or it will be the end of us all."

"The ritual won't even work with Harkon. His remains are ashes. A fresh body is needed for it to work and it has to be the original vessel of the soul you're trying to bring back."

Serana looked at Ronthil. "Since when has a detail like that stopped her?"


	7. Chapter 7

_Well here's for chapter seven. For those who favorited/followed, you have my sincerest gratitude! Though I haven't had any reviews yet, so I don't know if my story is so bad it chases people away faster than they can review or if it's good enough that there's just no complainers. For those who have made it this far, what do you think of it? Is it going too slow or fast? Too much dialogue or not enough? Too much detail or not enough? What is your preferred chapter length? Is there something you want added in or want to see less of? Let me know, please, I don't bite. Also, if there are any mistakes, inconsistencies, or the like, let me know. I've been working to try and make sure they don't happen, but I'm only human. I do have a lot of this story planned out, but what kinds of things would you like to see? I can't cook a good dinner unless you tell me what you're hungry for, too. With that being said, on with the show!_

Slowly, I went through the movements again. After a great deal of practicing summoning bows and swords, I wanted to try something new. Something challenging. Conjuring an atronoch thrall was proving difficult. Move the arms and hands in the specific circular motions. Don't let go of the spell no matter how draining it feels. Lean back and then forward slightly, bringing my hands up to eye level in front of me. Then, cast. It didn't work.

Falling to my knees with a groan, I consulted the spell book again. As far as I knew, I was doing everything correctly. Maybe it was time to seek some professional help from the college, I thought. I didn't really want to join up with the college for fear that they would discover what I was. A whole mob of people able to cast fireballs was not who I wanted to be trapped in a room with when the first person shouted, "Burn the vampire!"

Not only that, it was ridiculously cold. When I was turned by Harkon, it seemed like my ambition to keep warm doubled. Windhelm was my least-favorite city. City of Kings? More like city of frosty-nips. Went there one time. Never again. Going to the College might do me some good, though, as my own ambition to learn advanced magic apparently wasn't good enough to make me successful.

"What are you doing out here?" Feran Sadri asked me.

"Trying to figure out how to summon atronachs," I said simply, still kneeling on the ground.

"I'm glad you took your training outside. Lord Harkon would have been displeased if you created another explosion inside castle walls. Come, our Lord beckons you."

"Hurrah!" a group of people in the inn shouted. This jostled me out of my nap. I sat up and stretched, popping my back in between the shoulder blades at the same time. I gave myself a wry smile. It had been a long time since I had thought about conjuring atronachs, let alone dreamed about it. My failed attempt at summoning a flaming atronach within castle walls resulted in a fiery explosion in the main hall that sent dishes flying and singed off my eyelashes and eyebrows. It also so happened to singe a few of my fellow vampires, who then were a… bit displeased. Well, furious would probably be a better description. My smile widened. Modhna's hair had caught on fire, having received probably the worst of it. "You little shit! Take that outside!" She screamed at me. The experience was quite frightening, as I hadn't ever seen her so much as leave her cattle, let alone become hostile.

I eventually, with a great deal of trial and error, did learn with training assistance from Phinis Gestor. He convinced me during the time spent training to formally attend the college. Harkon wasn't exactly pleased that I would have an extended absence, but he was even more displeased when I blew things up from teaching myself. Joining the college turned out to not be too bad. Some there did find out that I was a vampire, but ended up not caring. They ended up being some of my closest friends during the two years I spent there.

They would let me feed from them as well, which was most curious. All I would merely have to do was ask and they would willingly volunteer. It was strange to me as when some of them would watch me bite one of them. Having an audience brought about a lot of anxiety but was addictively thrilling as well. I think they were intrigued to study how a vampire behaved. Or, maybe they were curious of me because they couldn't seem to contract Sanguinare Vampiris from me. Whatever the case was, the relationship was fruitful for both sides.

For them, the friendship purchased some tolerance to let them experiment on me when they requested it. Fire was off limits, but they tried to come up with new spells and incantations that would specifically turn away vampires or wards that undead couldn't pass through. The wards were a simple matter as far as my part went. The successful spell to turn away vampires that they came up with, however, ended quite early on because of how effective it was. It didn't invoke a fear in me or make something else seem more appealing. It hurt worse than fire. I shuddered. The effects were long-lasting, as well.

Hmm. I wonder if I could still conjure an atronach of some kind? I hadn't used conjuration magic in quite some time, however. They were particularly useful when traveling. You could catch some sleep while they guarded you. Some ventures proved to be less lonesome, too, even though they couldn't talk. When I left here, I'd have to give it a try. If I was successful, I wouldn't have to be worried about being terribly outnumbered when the Dawngaurd tracked me down again. Even skeevers could take down a giant if there were enough of them.

A small realization came to me during my thoughts. I had forgotten dinner. Even though it wasn't exactly necessary, having something other than blood cross the palate was nice. The stew had long since gone cold, but I slurped it down anyways and left the bowl on the little wardrobe. Feeling a little adventurous, I wondered outside my room. Taking a seat at an empty table, I ordered myself some Alto wine. As I quietly sipped on my drink, I watched those among the living talking to one another merrily.

"She's not here," Valerica stated plainly, though some of her worry seeped through.

"It looks exactly the way I left it. Not a thing in here has been disturbed. There aren't even markings in the dirt to show she was ever here," Ronthil stated. "She may have abandoned the plan when she learned it was hopeless. I have confidence that the break from raw grief will bring her to her senses and stop grieving altogether."

"We still need to find her, Ronthil. She had hundreds of connections when she was alive and she might have sought one of them out for assistance. I'm positive that there are quite a few elves she knew still around," Serana added. She wiped off an old cobweb off her cheek that had been drifting through the air. "I think we've spent enough time in this cave. Can we get out for some fresh air?"

Valerica nodded. "Where else could she have gone?"

"I have no idea. She might be at the castle by now, wondering where we have gone for all we know." Ronthil said gloomily. The prospects of spending the night out with Iola had disappeared.

"Let's split up and search the surrounding areas," Serana suggested. "Ronthil, you can go back home to see if she's there or to wait until she's back. If she's back before we are, you can send a messenger out to us to let us know. Mother, you could look to the west of here while I go east. How about that?"

"It will have to do. But," Valerica warned, "if you come across her performing a summoning ritual, don't hesitate to attack her." Serana nodded solemnly and Ronthil stared at the ground. Valerica left the two vampires in a rush.

"Serana," Ronthil said softly as he turned up his eyes. She looked at him. "Please, whatever happens, don't let Iona die. She doesn't deserve it."

Serana crossed her arms and kicked at small stone. "I will try."


	8. Chapter 8

Most of the night had passed and the bottle of wine was completely empty. So were half a dozen mugs of mead and a few shots of brandy. I laughed loudly as I tried to play a lute while drunk off my ass. The result was a terrible whine from the poor instrument. Everyone, including myself, broke out laughing at my complete inability to play. "It 'as been too, too longsh," I said between fits of laughter. The bard took his chance to successfully rescue his lute. The Nord quickly stowed it away in his room.

A sudden rush of cold air hit me as the front door admitted a new guest. "Hey gitta drink fer the newcomsher!" I slurred to the barkeep.

"Iona, I have been looking everywhere for you! It's time you came home," Valerica said too quickly in a hushed tone. As she approached.

I slowly blinked at her. "I haveta what?"

She pleaded with the barkeep. "I need to gather her things and take her home. I'm sorry that she's been a bother to you."

"The lass has been a doll," he replied. "Her room is to the left over there. Her tab's paid up, so just let me know if you need help getting her outside."

Before I knew it, I was being hauled outside with one arm draped over Valerica's shoulders. The world was spinning and my feet just couldn't seem to find the ground. It also didn't help that my knees were too weak to support my own weight. "Valerhhikha?" I slurred. "Whatcha dooin' outheere?"

"Bringing you home," she replied coolly.

"Isssa long walk," I managed to put together.

"Yes I know. It will be a short flight if we can make it away from prying eyes."

She helped me hobble for a while longer until we were outside the town. She transformed and proceeded to hold me like a babe. "Ugh, put mee doownsh," I whined. She acted as though she didn't hear me and proceeded to fly to the castle. Sometime during the flight, to the rhythm of her wings, I fell asleep.

Throbbing pain behind my eyes greeted me the next evening. A little frost magic was necessary to put out all the candles in the vicinity because it was far too bright. I groaned as I barely opened one eye. "Where… where am I?" It definitely wasn't the inn. It wasn't my room, either. Slowly, I sat up on the bed. That was a mistake. I laid back down hoping the sudden rush of pain in my head would subside.

I looked around the best I could. The walls and ceiling were of solemn gray stone. There was an alchemy station and a few plants that desperately needed water. The door to the room was down some stairs. How did I get into Serana's room? I rubbed my head. For the life of me, I couldn't remember. I was at the inn and had some wine. Then, a few of the men bought the whole house drinks, so I had one or two of those. Then, I was pretty sure I drank even more though the details were a complete mess.

"Are you finally awake? How are you feeling?" Ronthil's whispered questions thundered in my ears. My response was to roll over and smother myself into a pillow while whimpering in pain.

His cool hand touched my shoulder. "Drink this," he whispered as quietly as he could.

I rolled onto my back slowly and sat up halfway, arms propping me up. Ronthil took it as his cue to stick pillows behind me to prop me up more. He put a cup to my lips which turned out, thankfully, to have plain old water. I drank obediently, willing the hangover to end whatever way possible.

The pain, no matter when the alcohol left my system, wasn't going to end. Not today. It was the marker of the worst day of my life. My whimpers turned into full on sobs as the knowledge gripped onto me. I wanted Ronthil to leave but I couldn't muster the words. My whole body shook as I entered a fetal position. He caressed me until I could cry no more. I laid there for an eternity staring forward, replaying in my mind Harkon's death and all the things I wish I would have done. All the possibilities of finding Valerica I didn't explore because I didn't have the know-how.

Not knowing how to do things was plaguing my life. For all the years I had been alive or undead, there wasn't much to show for it. My Thu'um was well practiced, as was my sword arm, but every other skill I possessed was lacking at least in some way. Failure had never seemed so real until that moment when I realized I couldn't bring Harkon back by necromantic means. Even if I could summon his soul from Coldharbour, I would have no vessel for it. His was turned to ash by my own rash actions.

"How is she?" Serana asked Ronthil.

"She hasn't spoken since she broke down. Give her a day or two, she'll be better," he said as he stared into his nearly empty goblet. He turned it over, watching the candlelight reflect off the ridged designs.

"Do you think she left with the intention of bringing back my father?"

"I don't know. We know she never went to the cave, but she did have the journals with her. We also know that she misses him terribly to the point that, if given the chance, she probably would bring him back." He sighed, a sadness entering his eyes. "She could have wanted to try and return Harkon to this realm, but might have given up when she realized it wasn't possible."

"If she's given up, she might turn to you more," Serana sounded hopeful despite the gloom. She took a drink from her glass and eyed the vampires in the main hall. Modhna was absorbed with her thrall, as per usual and the rest seemed to be keeping the eavesdropping to a minimum. Well, except for Feran. Ronthil was probably confiding in the vampire anyways. "I just don't understand why she would miss him at all. He tried to kill her in the end!"

Ronthil looked up at her. "He was her sire. They also spent a great deal of time together and she always seemed to hold his favor. I'm sure these experiences were positive for her, though she hasn't spoken about them with me." He sighed and drank the remainder of the blood in the goblet.

Serana rapped her fingers on the table for a moment and then stood up. "I'm going to ask her, then. Not knowing is something I can't handle. Maybe if I can get her to tell me why she liked him so much we can figure out how to make her like you more. Whatever it takes to stop her obsession from festering." Before Ronthil could protest, she was briskly walking down the hall to her room.

Serana practically barged into the room. The noise agitated my hangover, but I hardly acknowledged it through my grief. How I wished that the heartache would stop, but it seemed like it worsened each year as the different approaches I could have taken became more clear. It also hurt knowing that he was sent to Coldharbour by my hand, as well. I could only hope Lord Molag Bal treated his favored servants better than the pitiful souls sent to his realm.

"Iona," Serana said, expressing her desire for attention. A soft 'hmm' was her response. The sound of her chewing on her lip was too loud for my liking, though the sound of my voice to let her know my concern would have been much worse. I would probably cry again and have a headache. "Why do you mourn for the loss of my father like you do? I didn't even have this hard of a time letting go."

It was my turn to chew on my lip. I didn't want to speak, let alone talk about Harkon at the moment. She continued on when I failed to respond. "I don't understand what he could have done to be so important to him. He gave you his blood, but that was the only good thing he did for you and it was merely to use you. He wasn't kind in the slightest to you, let alone-"

"You don't know what I saw," I cut her off. We looked at each other for a moment, my lip trembling. "You don't know the things he said to me or how he looked at me. Maybe his kindness was limited to you, but, for me, I would dare say he loved me."

She was dumbstruck, to say the least. "When… how…?" She couldn't seem to get out the words to form a question. The mattress I was still laying on shifted when her weight applied to it as she sat down. The faraway look in her eyes and furrowed brow suggested her mind was running a mile a second. "Where was I when he was even decent around you?"

"You were off either trying to foil the completion of the prophecy or sulking around the castle avoiding him like the plague. In the meantime, he and I were spending countless hours just sitting in each other's presence or talking. We went out and hunted together on occastion."

Serana stared at me. "That's not something I would think Father would do, but you were the only vampire he sired. Maybe he was a little more gentle to you because he made you as well as you being a valuable asset. I don't really why you think he loved you if you only shared a few hunts and talked."

"We were intimate on more than one occasion." My voice was serious. The thought that she was implying that I was a liar was appalling.

"Intimate…?" Serana had a look of horror and disbelief on her face.

"Yes. As in, we took delight in each other's blood on numerous nights amongst other things. I suspect that, if he and I were mortal, you wouldn't be an only child anymore, either."

Serana looked as if she were going to be ill. The shock of learning about her father's 'accomplishments' with the opposite sex was a little too much information. That and… he cheated on her mother. Not that they were together, exactly, but their marriage was still recognized. Did her mom know? She didn't, so probably not. These thoughts were written all over her face.

"You… and dad…" She stopped looking at me. Apparently, the concept of her dad and me seeing one another broke her mind. After a long pause, she asked carefully, "I don't understand how this happened. Would you care to explain to me the events leading up to this?"  
>"Well, one night we went hunting. We slaughtered a horseman and his guard that were travelling on the road. We tore them apart. Afterwards, I wiped some blood off of your father's face with my finger. When I licked it off, he reciprocated but licked blood that had gotten on my collar. Then, we-"<p>

"Stop!" Serana was nauseated. "I mean, start from when you entered the castle with me for the very first time when he gave you his blood. Maybe if you tell me what you had been doing with my father… except for the most intimate details… I can begin to understand why you care so much for him."

I sighed. Thinking about the happier times I had with Harkon was bringing me up out of my depressed mood, but did I really want to spend the time telling Serana about all of this? "Would it possibly convince you that I'm not crazy when I say I wish he were here?" Oh, yes, I knew certain members of the court thought I wasn't mentally intact through the whispers carried by barren, stone walls.

"It would help me understand, at least," Serana said. Her arms folded.

I pushed my palms into my eyes, willing the headache to go away. "I will meet you in my chambers in a couple hours."


End file.
